dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
