i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
