Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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