Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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