we have officially lost it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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