life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
