Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
