I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
