I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
