If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
