if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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