I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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