Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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