he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize