11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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