Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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