This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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