I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
