I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
