Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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