Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
