i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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