Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
