i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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