9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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