She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
