Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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