I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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