i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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