my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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