Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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