so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
