i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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