if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
