We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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