so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
