I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
