Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
