Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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