also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
