You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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