I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
