we have pet lesbian snakes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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