I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
