OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
