She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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