but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
