I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
zippers are such a cool invention
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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