the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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