i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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