We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
