what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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