She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
