she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
do nipples grow back?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
