I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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