Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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