I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
