dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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