The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
