I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
