you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
