Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
