forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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