Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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