Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
