okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
