apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
