I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
