i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
