im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
