Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
