So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
