I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
