as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
