first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
