I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
