When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
two words: eviction party
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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